Caring for Your Parent Without Losing Yourself

When your aging parent begins needing extra assistance, it’s natural to want to provide care yourself. You likely aim to give them the same loving care they gave you growing up. However, taking on a caregiver role also comes with challenges if you don’t establish boundaries and prioritize self-care.

I’m Penina Tuimaualuga, owner of Pearl’s Placements for Seniors in Sacramento. In my years helping families, I’ve seen adult children become overwhelmed trying to do everything themselves as caregivers. I want to offer specific tips so you can care for your parent without burning out.

Define Your Capacity

Take time to realistically evaluate what caregiving tasks you can and can’t handle based on your schedule, energy, family demands, physical abilities, etc. Be honest with yourself. Then communicate your boundaries clearly. Explain when you are and aren’t available to help and what types of tasks are manageable vs. not.

Delegate Strategically

Make a comprehensive list of all caregiving duties, from household chores to transportation to personal care. Then be intentional about delegating tasks to others who offer help. See what siblings, relatives, friends, or neighbors are willing and able to take on. Don’t be afraid to assign things specifically by asking “Can you stop by on Tuesdays to take mom grocery shopping?” Consider hiring assistants like home health aides, housekeepers, well-being or meal prep services to outsource responsibilities. Lifting burdens from your shoulders is key.

Prioritize Self-Care

Don’t let your own health and well-being fall by the wayside. Be diligent about eating nutritious whole foods, exercising 30+ minutes daily, and getting 7-8 hours of quality sleep per night. Keep up with your own medical care through annual check-ups and preventative screenings. Monitor yourself for emotional strain and employ stress relief techniques like meditation, counseling, yoga, or breathing exercises. Your needs matter too.

Schedule Regular Breaks

Block out time weekly or monthly for activities unrelated to caregiving that you find fun, uplifting, and rejuvenating. Make specific plans to read, meet with friends, work on hobbies, take day trips, etc. Consider regular in-home respite care for a few hours a week so you can focus just on yourself while someone cares for your parent. Don’t feel guilty about taking breaks - you’ll be a better caregiver when you make time to refill your cup.

Connect with Other Caregivers

Joining a caregiver support group allows you to share emotional and practical guidance with others navigating similar challenges. Local groups often meet in person or online. For example, the Caregiver Action Network has free telephone-based groups. Connecting over online forums can provide support too. Knowing you aren’t alone makes a difference.

Reframe Your Mindset

When you start to feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or resentful, try reframing your perspective. Focus on positive moments with your parent like reminiscing or seeing them smile. Find purpose in providing them comfort and dignity. Remind yourself that this hands-on caregiving season won’t last forever. Celebrate little “wins” like successfully getting to a doctor's appointment. Mindset matters.

Ask Your Parent How They Can Help

Have an open talk with your parent about how they can also make the caregiving journey easier for you. Can they take on small helpful tasks like keeping their area tidy or remembering to take medicines? Are there times of day when they tend to need more help? Asking for their input shows you’re a team.

Research Respite Care Options

Respite care provides temporary relief by having someone else care for your parent while you take a much-needed break. In-home respite caregivers come for a few hours or overnight so you can focus on yourself. Some adult day centers also provide respite services. This regular time away can prevent burnout. Explore local resources like ARCH National Respite Network.

Evaluate Day Programs

Adult daycare centers offer structured, engaging programming for seniors as well as respite for caregivers. Centers provide meals, medications, activities, social connections, and even health services while family members get a break. The Alzheimer’s Association can help you identify reputable, vetted programs.

Consider In-Home Care Assistance

If your parent needs extra support with daily tasks, trained home health aides can assist with duties like bathing, dressing, medication reminders, meal prep, transportation, and more. In-home caregivers come for a few hours a day or around the clock. They provide personalized care while giving you a much-deserved break.

Assess Senior Living Options

If your parent’s physical or cognitive impairments make independent living unsafe, consider assisted living communities or nursing homes. These provide 24/7 supervised care, health services, meals, social connections, and medication management in a supportive setting. Touring communities together and writing down pros and cons can help you make the transition.

Modify Your Home Environment

Evaluate your parent’s living space to identify modifications to make daily care easier and safer. Install grab bars in showers, night lights in hallways, chair lifts for stairs, and anti-slip rugs. Remove tripping hazards like area rugs and declutter pathways. Adapt the environment to support their changing abilities.

Encourage Maintaining Friendships

Helping your parent nurture old friendships or form new social connections at senior centers can provide them with meaningful interaction and give you a break. Offer to facilitate video calls or rideshare to meet-ups with friends. Their own social circle reduces isolation and fulfills social needs so they rely less solely on you.

Embrace Support from Pearl’s Placements

If caregiving becomes untenable, know that you don’t have to do it all yourself. I’m Penina Tuimaualuga with Pearl's Placements for Seniors, and I'm here to help lighten the caregiving load. Let’s have an in-depth talk about your current challenges and then explore solutions ranging from in-home care to adult day programs to assisted living communities. My goal is for both you and your parent to feel supported. Reach out anytime for a free consultation. Together we can make this caregiving journey sustainable so you can focus on enjoying time with your loved one.